Congratulations to all those who were awarded KCL Colours this year. Below is the hall of fame, give these girls a pat on the back when you next see them.
Half Colours:
Emily Hatcher
Gabby Budd
Hannah Heslop
Kat Farrington
Katie Leslie
Lizzie Chamberlain
Megan Atkinson
Roo Yousuff
Nikita Patel
Sophie Greetham
Full Colours:
Grace Isbister
Juliet Laycock
Last year’s Macadam cup saw broken bones, hearts and egos after the Macadam Cup was (in an act of daylight robbery) stolen by those greedy bastards at KCL. So after it’s Gap Yah at the hole in the strand, we knew it was time for the Macadam Cup to be returned home.
The turn out for the big day was monumental, with GKT supporters outnumbering KCL supporters epicly. True to form, the girls smashed it up and took home a 5-0 win. A special mention should go to Hannah Hesloppy for some cracking defence, Grace for hogging the show and putting away 2 of the goals, and Kike – the ‘Most Valued Player’ in the eyes of the umpires. The game itself was fairly uneventful, with GKT simply bulldozing through the KCL neanderthals. The KCL coach provided us with much entertainment though; his persistent nagging, shouting and general lairyness caused quite a stir!
Although the men’s match didn’t run quite so smoothly on the pitch (with GKT suffering a 4-2 defeat), off the pitch GKT were the winners. By all standards, KCL were out-bantered by GKT from start to finish.
After some appropriately allocated gin and a few drinks at HOP, we jumped aboard the banter-bus to Tutu’s for the after party. The results from the rest of the tournament were announced en route and revealed a solid 11-6 win for GKT! The rest is history.
A big congratulations should go to all those who participated, and a thank you to all the supporters. What a day!
Now we can all sleep comfortably, safe in the knowledge that the Macadap Cup is in its rightful position on Guy’s campus. Amen sista.
As the least (most) racist club within GKT we obviously welcome the Patels, Wing Wongs and Schmidts of the world to come and play. And the UH cup this year provided a perfect way for us to demonstrate our multicultural and all-inclusive values. Teams from 8 countries were invited to participate in this prestigious tournament, seeing a truly beautiful international coming together of peoples. Rice pickers were flewn in all the way from Japan, and some Irish blokes with massive packages provided the eye candy.
Unsurprisingly, GKT 1s emerged victorious of the UH cup. But then that always has been, and always will be, the case. Well done 1s!
In the past the UH reserve cup has been curiously uniform, and there are some things about it that are simply assumed to be true year on year: it is held at HOP, we have a BBQ, everyone gets happy on gin (or some other non-alcoholic beverage of choice, depending on personal and religious beliefs), and GKT 2s win. I would love to say that this year was no different, but in a remarkable turn of events the whole structure of the club and indeed the livelihood of a few Japanese inhabitants was jeopardised as the unthinkable happened…
GKT 2s took a break from the rice fields and came to meet GKT 3s in the final of the reserve cup. The game started jovially, and after breaking down the obvious language and communication barriers it was beautiful to see hockey bringing together two nations. However this light-hearted competition was short-lived when fresher Tor scored an unexpected early goal. The match vibe changed instantly, and the previously civil Japanese showed their darker side. Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes multiplied, yet still the Japanese were unable to equalise. Whether it was down to the intense adrenaline, or simply the burning gin, every player on the pitch had fire in their belly. Japan put up a strong fight, but in the end it just wasn’t enough – the Mexicans emerged victorious. Tears were shed, glasses were smashed, and punches were thrown. In the end it was concluded that perhaps the Japanese should just stick what they know best – rice picking.
A team photo of the Mexicans is unavailable, therefore a picture of the goal-scorer sucking a massive penis (and loving it) has been included instead…
Further details of the event are hazy at best. The ridiculous quantity of gin provided was quickly polished off in the awards ceremony… A disturbing quantity of which went to Kat ‘Mum’ Farrington, with devastating consequences that aren’t appropriate for public domain.
Any light that can be shed on the rest of the night (specifically Guy’s Bar) would be greatly appreciated.
Once upon a time there was Hockey 2s team who, despite their WINing level of dedication, commitment and enthusiasm, were well and truly in the midst of what some might call a loss of Mojo. When it came to playing KCL 1s for the 6th time that season the jury was therefore out as to which way the coin would toss.
On the WON hand we had statistics and facts: 5 previous losses to the same team, the absence of Jezza “The Hero” Sandell, and the realization that due to various dog-tastic activities and two gin-tastic birthdays, certain players were a little less then peachy on that particularly sunny Sunday.
On the other, optimism: The much-anticipated return of Hannah “hockey legend “ Clare, the recent referendum results verifying our rivalry, and the hope that having lost over £120 collectively at the weekend their losing streak had finally hit rock bottom.
With our daily confidence boost generously dished out by our five fave fitties, and the faint melody of “your insecure, don’t know what for” still ringing out around HOP the girls had never been so in it FTW.
Due to the adrenaline rush that followed, as well as a slight delay in getting this report written (obvi), the next 65 minutes of hockey playing magic are a seriously sweaty blur. With 5 minutes still on the clock. Its 4-4 and we win a short corner. Hannah Clare executes a perfect straight strike to put us up 5-4.
4 minutes left.
The tension got the better of Lovely Lucie BisHOP who shows us her unexpected alter ego by being yellow carded for aggression. There are some members who feel this may have in fact all been in aid of achieving a quick casual nap before she trooped on in centre mid, but either way 4 minutes left + 1 goal ahead +1 player down = 1 very aggressive KCL team + 1 nail biting final few minutes.
Despite their best Strandy efforts, a 5-4 VICTORY showed that they just could not defeat the gloriously golden GKT champions. As well rehearsed losers by this point the Triumphant Twos were expectant of a friendly farewell to the defeated, but alas this was not the case. In amongst their tears of sore loservile the conquered KCL 1s mumbled bitter complaints of cheating, and even refused to shake the hand of our lovely Lucie. The Triumphant Twos therefore took it upon themselves to not only seal the deal, but to also teach the vanquished how to be vanquished by totally dominating the KCL team in a boat race. Imagine the havoc next year if we’d lost the referendum.
Jezza always told us that we should only analyze the games WON has WON rather than lost, as a team we were therefore rather out of practice at this analytical absurdity, but we did draw one conclusion….
“Let’s all go down to Guy’s, let’s all go down to Guy’s,
Medics, dentists, it’s what we want to be,
If we fail there’s biochemistry,
I’d rather be GKT, and study a real degree,
So f*ck the Strandies in the eye! I’m GKT until I die,
Let’s all go down to Guy’s.”
Probably the only chance you’ll ever get to belittle a consultant, time to show them what us med students are made of nowadays! 12:30 meet at HOP. Be there!
http://www.facebook.com/events/231149670314016/
The GKT 4s gathered at Waterloo station feeling everything but optimistic. We had missed our train, 7 players, no goalie, and some terrible cheeky chutney crisps which were anything but cheeky. Having being beaten 4-2 by the Georges 2s only a couple of weeks ago, things weren’t looking good. Eventually we arrived in Surbitton with a team of 10, and the added sports day style pressure of being watched by parents. “Oh shit, I hope I don’t say oh shit in front of my parents” exclaimed Alice. This was the least of our worries…
Whilst our own Chamberlain didn’t quite make it to the match, her sister ever so kindly graced the pitch with her presence… on the other team. With our own kin turning against us, Thomas the tank engine whistles taunting us (Emily has beef with Thomas and friends), and Sinead turning up in a JESUS IS MY HOMEBOY t-shirt, it was time for Captain Nigs to motivate. After an aggressively passionate (and slightly sexual) pep talk involving our trademark in the eyes/arse chants Thomas tooted and we began.
The game began at a fast pace, within 30 seconds of pushback the ball had been worked up to the D by the ever capable forwards and mids. A goal was narrowly missed and a short corner ensued leading to Roxy flicking the ball gracefully to the back of the net. What a goal and what a start for GKT!!!
GKT were hungry for more, yes we were winning 1-0 but we weren’t about to get complacent!
The Georges were playing a marking game, unfortunately for them it seems the concept of marking wasn’t fully understood by all of their players and Beth and Alice were often left unmarked (more fool them)!
Team BAD were in full action and the wings were a failsafe method of getting the ball up to the D. We came so close to so many goals, Beth was on fire and was V-dragging like a motherf**ker. She wanted a goal, she knew it, GKT knew it and the Georges knew it. They were scared, really scared.
At half time we were shattered, but with fire in our (super toned, untouched by McDonalds) bellies and Beth feeling it was “her time to shine” we soldiered on.
Mini Chambers had been worn down and a new goalie was in play, their defence was strong with possibly their best player managing to cover the entire D with her speed and despite us getting it up we couldn’t break their barrier of defence. Great defending from our side (lets big up Maddy for some great work) kept them from getting it near the goal. After some epic plays up the pitch and Emily doing her quota of roly-polys Beth got the ball and absolutely SMASHED it into the back of the net. Cheers of “ITS MY TIME” rang out and the whole team were teary with joy. We were 2-0 up and not giving them anything before we went home. The final whistle blew and we knew we had earnt a bloody good Guys Bar.
Guys bar memories are hazy but snippets have led us to believe that there was a) a fierce turf war over our ‘booth’ between Beth and Nikita and initially the rugby boys and then the hockey boys (see photos below) and b) in recognition of SHAG week Fi gave the Dong Bong a ‘safe’ oral sex experience.
Final score was 2-0. Well Done 4s!!
Team BAD (Beth & Shad)
WHAT A GAME, by far the most intense of the season so far.
Home ground and we knew what we were up against. Looking fabulous in our matching hoodies (finally) the warm up was strong. The starting line up consisted of not only some good old girls making the effort to drag themselves away from their final years but some solid newbies as well; including the very newest edition to our team Kike who had a truly awesome game. Throughout the match every one could feel the adrenaline!!! Concrete support from the subs was vital and they gave it, which must be recognized. To be honest the game was a bit of a blur, however a few moments to mention: – a spectacular effort of a reverse undercut from Kike across goal, – Our Grace taking out their Grace and making her cry, – And Heslop scaring the hell out of the entire team doing pirouettes on her own goal line.
It was a match of the titans and a well-deserved point. Excellent hockey from every player on the team and if the 1’s keep playing like that we can turn that table upside down.
MOM: Heslop
Tosser: Heslop …therefore a ludicrous measure of juniper juice & consequently a sever lack of details in this match report. Apologies.
It wasn’t the most promising start to a hockey Wednesday: it was freezing, still trying to snow and the Freshers were facing IPE presentations. Add to that a 5pm push back and an epic Guys Bar event to get back for – the 4s were not best pleased and distinctly lacking in enthusiasm. Somehow, we all managed to rock up to HOP early – to be greeted by Capitan Nigs (my boobs are bigger than me) Patel with a bag-load of shiny new kit! And with a little help from 3s goalie Lou, the new goalie kickers were on and looking good. Now, despite the cold, the 4s were a happy bunch, resplendent in Royal Blue. That is until we saw the opposition…
Almost without exception, the CC2s were built like tanks. The bad lighting and cheap pitchers of Guys had never seemed so far away…
A rousing speech from Capitan Nigs, “F*** ‘em in the eyes girls, in the eyes!” must have worked its magic, for only 30 seconds in and Nam Sam smashed home a stunning goal past the bewildered CC2 goalie! Cue GKT celebrations and “gangsta goalie” dancing!
CC2s responded with several angry attempts at an equaliser, only to be denied by the determined GKT defence and magic new goalie kickers. About 15minutes in and the GKT defence faltered – one can only assume the sheer size of the CC2 forwards was emitting a sort of gravitational force that threw the defence off balance. 1-1. Spirits buoyed, CC2s were hungry for more goals – but GKT were smaller, faster, more agile and dominating possession. (Plus, we looked much better in skorts. Just saying.) One particularly impressive failed attempt from CC2s almost ended in their captain’s face connecting with the magic goalie kickers. CC2 captain = 
. GKT defence = 
!!
As the half-time whistle was blown it was still a 1-1 draw. The 4s were on form and Canterbury were not impressed. “We’re not leaving until we beat these bitches.” Was muttered by their bewildered- looking captain (– note to CC2 captain, goalie helmets do not block out sound).
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what they did. One questionable referee decision, one very lucky shot and one dodgy goalie move (right between my feet, sorry girls!) and it was 4-1 to the Canterbury collosi. The 4s were persistent, our forwards were determined, our mids were manic (this means you Travs!) and several short corners were won, but despite our best efforts not converted into the goals we deserved.
As the final whistle blew, it was 4-1 to the CC2s. But the 4s were off to Guys Bar safe in the knowledge of priority entry and a slap up McDonald’s feast, and CC2s were going to Canterbury. ‘Nough said.
Fi Barley, GKT 4s gangsta goalie.
Still high from the walkover game against LSE the Sunday before, and convinced that this was the start of our much needed, some might say, new leaf, the twos gathered at London bridge in eager anticipation to cement this much discussed “winning streak”. With a highly regarded fancy dress reputation to maintain, however, before we could get our game faces on we had a few errands to run which seemed to involve Scottish flags, being completely ripped of by some guy called Sam who was most definitely not our “friend”, and breaking most of the library’s stapler collection.
On hearing that we were playing at Stepney Green, some of the more optimistic members of the team had high hopes for a twos teddy bear picnic, alas this was not the case. The astro was in fact a rude awakening from the luxury we have at our dear old HOP; not only were there youths playing on the pitch, the goals had no nets and most shockingly there were no facilities. A considerable time was then spent wandering the neighborhood searching for a loo of some sort, and, when even our beloved chicken cottage failed us, entertaining the idea of pretending to be pregnant so the more desperate members could urinate in an unsuspecting coppers hat. After much exploration and deli-bear-ation we settled on using a bush on the side of the pitch that had a handy alcove which could only be used for such recreational purposes. Taking much care to avoid any needle wounds to their precious hockey gluts the team members furthered their bear bonding and were finally relieved and ready FTW. Naturally to show that we weren’t there to mess around, and potentially secure the win, captain “Roopert bear” saw that we were playing under protest.
Perhaps due to all the prematch commotion the 1st half did not start quite as we intended. This was probably not aided by Annie “pooh” Coombes being unable to master which of the several hundred sets of lines where ours. A goal was conceded pretty early on. And then another one quite soon after that in spite of Kat “tough ted” Farrington making some un-bear-liveable saves.
Often known for their grit and determination the teddy bear twos were determined to have a picnic and so quickly rallied FTW. Although, I think most still kept and eye on the pesky youths circulating our bear-longings. We bear-gan to relax, settle into our rhythm, and started to move the ball round much more fluidly. This I’m sure, bears (!) no coincidence to the strangely familiar mood enhancing smells coming from the pesky youths.
Halftime saw an inspirational story time from Captain “Roopert bear” awaken, revive and “lower” our moods and so we headed back to the “shastro” with fire in our bellies. The faint hum of “The Wombles of Wimbledon Common” (the teddies equivalent of “eye of the tiger”) could definitely be heard towards the defensive end of the pitch.
A considerable amount of time was seemingly spent defending sideline hits which Juliet “winkie” Laycock kept blocking in a peculiarly repetitive manner, although this perception may have been due to a good half hour of suspicious fume inhaling. Emily “super ted” Hatcher quickly responded to Le “Winkie” cock’s new found tempo, matching her counter mids game which did wonders to lift the enthusiasm of the team. Megan Hall soon scored in no time.
Despite the best efforts of the other forwards, Katie “petzi for polskis” Leslie, Lucie “sooty” Bishop, Becs “beanie baby or bottle” Marchant and Megan “care bear” hall, the much discussed wining streak was not to be. The defence Vicky “ill be your teddy bear” Drummond-hay, Fi “little bear” Wright, Annie “pooh” Coombes, Tiny “Paddington” McFarlane and Kat “tough ted” Farrington did well to defend multiple unfair (in my view) shot corners given by the “bi-polar bear” refs.
Sadly the final score of 2-1 did not bear resemblance to the game as the teddy bear twos feel it should have done. This was dealt with in the most sportswomanly way possible with Captain “Roopert” and “tough ted” Farrington subtly enquiring if the “bi-polar bear” refs were qualified…yet to be confirmed…
Story time from captain “Roopert” soothed all our anger and frustration so we were ready to continue our picnic at that well know underground dwelling, naturally adding some lambrini related alleyway shenanigans and the telling of pig tales to the hamper…
Final Score : 2-1
Player : Emily “super ted” Hatcher
From early on it was apparent to the 2’s that this was going to be one of the toughest matches of the season, the level of dedication to the match was reflected in a full turnout at training, with all members eagerly awaiting Big J’s instructions. We trained hard and went home.
Following a devastating loss on Wednesday the 2’s were hungry for some Surrey blood and started carbo-loading that night in preparation for “THE BIG ONE.” With the match being on a Sunday it was always going to be a struggle getting a team together, minimal emails and what’sapps were sent and the team was a reality. BRING ON SURREY.
An early start meant the team arrived fresh tailed and bushy eyed, eager to get their trotters onto the pitch. Surrey however already looked defeated.
The first half proved to be tough; after a shaky start, skills honed at training were translated onto the pitch, with Jezzers 2 on 1 proving popular amongst the majority of the team. VDH took a cheeky pass to captain Roo who played an absolute blinder down the line to Le Cock who skilfully crossed it to the top of the D allowing Roo dawg to finish in style. Luck could be one phrase to describe this phenomenal “set” play, however cheers from the crowd suggested the dream team had arrived – we all knew GKT had landed.
With channelling baffling the opposition it became apparent why every drill at training consists of adding in a defender; Hatch, Laycock, Soph and Laura were unstoppable using this tactic, allowing them to move at pace towards the goal. Some nice passes to Fi and Bec meant goals 2 and 3 were in quick succession. At half time the underdog was leading.
A big thanks goes to Pooh’s motivational half time speech, he managed to capture the essence of the game and kept the hunger levels high (most likely due to the lack of ½ time jelly babies – Bishop it has been noted). Leading the first half meant confidence levels were at an all time high, Kat’s desire to save some goals was relished when surrey came back fighting. A quick shot from the top by Surrey had the defence gasping but an awesome roll by Kat across the line meant GKTs 3-0 lead was safe.
A solid back row meant no further attacks pursued and allowed fresh meat TP to showcase her defending flair. Bishop and Roo dawg worked tirelessly in mid and demonstrated equally impressive skillz on the ball. With 2 minutes on the clock a 4th goal was on the teams mind. Luckily pre season training had helped with fitness and allowed GKT to dictate the remaining seconds, an incredible reverse stick from The Hatch put the goalie under pressure but was deflected by the cross bar – close but no cigar. The final whistle put GKT on top, who knew a coin toss could be so epic.
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